As happy as my dogs are...

Last time I mentioned how I would love to be able to work from home in order to spend more time with my aging ladies. I still want that, but I've reflected on my current situation a bit, and I have realized that I really do have a lot to be happy about. While most of my "fortune" is based solely on my decisions to be who I am, some are just the way things happened and I have to be glad some of them did.

I used to work an hour away so my daily commute was a total of 2 hours and that was if traffic was moving smoothly. That's straight to work and straight home. No stopping for groceries or running errands - that had to wait until the weekend. My dogs were home alone, inside and bored for 12 hours a day. When BI-LO "merged" with Winn-Dixie and moved to somewhere in Florida, I wasn't willing to go so I looked for another job. Now I've always loved Clemson...well, Clemson University. I loved going to school there and everyone knows that being a college student is just FUN! So after contemplating moving closer to Greenville because I thought I'd only find a job in Greenville, I lucked up and landed a position at Clemson University, my alma mater. 

This changed everything! I was now making more money, my commute was only 5 miles so I was saving a TON of gas, my dogs were not stuck inside for 12 hours anymore, I could easily go home at lunch and best of all, I was working at Clemson University. Don't get me wrong - I loved my job at BI-LO and I loved the great people I worked with that treated me like family and taught me so much. Love them all! So here I am at Clemson and it was great! At first. That didn't last long. I was miserable for about 3 years. I applied and interviewed but never landed anything else. Good thing I stuck it out though, because now, here I am 4 years in and I have to say, at this moment in time, I'm pretty happy. I have flexibility and that's important with pets.

I've been desperately searching for a house. I've been in my current apartment for 10 years...yes, that's correct. Lillie and Izzie's whole life have been in this apartment. So I want a house, more room, my own yard, etc., etc. It's. Been. A. Nightmare. Maybe I'll find something, maybe I won't. It doesn't matter anymore though because I realized, where I am now, we have lots of trails and the lake and just a bunch of rural-ness that suits us best and the dogs love it! Not sure we can find that in a house - in one we can afford. Plus the ladies love the routine and surroundings they know. My dogs are happy.

I was speaking with a co-worker the other day who lives alone an hour away and has dogs, and I asked how she did it. How does she deal with leaving them? She talked about her Ellie, who has cancer, and said, "I just do what I have to. If I have to leave, I go. If I have to stay home, I do. At some point, I will have to take some time, but we are not there yet." This made me sad. While I may not be at home 24/7, I am never far away and can get home quickly, my vet is close by and I can always do my job from home if I need to. Corey is there for the morning hours so Lillie and Izzie are only there for about 4.5 hours alone Tuesday thru Thursday. I am also very lucky to have someone who loves them as much as I do. 

There’s a lot going on right now on and off campus.

Wednesday two children and a teacher were shot at a nearby Townville Elementary school. I was sad and angry at the same time. Jacob Hall, 6 years old, is now fighting for his life. My stepdad was working when they flew him in. I don't have kids and don't plan to, but I can't even imagine what this family is dealing with. Just can't imagine...definitely puts things in perspective. My thoughts are with this family.

On campus right now, there’s so much conflict and division…but today is Friday and GameDay is here...again! And right now, it's a good distraction. A chance for everyone to come together for something instead of dividing themselves. I work in Tillman Hall, which is behind Bowman Field which is where GameDay is set up. It's really cool to go out the side door and see it all. It's really cool to be a college where GameDay comes more than once to see you. It's just awesome!

So, my dogs are happy, healthy and safe, Corey and I are happy, healthy and safe, and for all that, I am very grateful.

You know how happy your dogs are to see you when you get home? Well, that's how I strive to be - as happy as my dogs are. Because in my opinion, they are the best model for what happiness really is.

Izzie doing Husky!

Izzie

 

I'm not sure if this is the way I should start my blog or if I should start with history and introduce these guys first. My reason for starting here is because of some things that have transpired over the past few days and my thoughts on the life I share with these amazing animals. I feel the need to document in or order to preserve.

Lillie

View more photos from the lake here.

These are just a couple pictures from the lake yesterday. There are many more. I had to capture the moments as best I could. The day before this, I took Izzie (now 9) and Lillie (10) out to the lake to have some free time because we have not been down there in a while due to the heat. Lillie has always been a natural in the water ever since she was a pup. She was always getting wet however she could. Izzie on the other hand, got a later start in life because she wasn't mine until she was 2. Izzie has always liked the water but has always been much more timid...about everything. She more recently really started to swim more and get out into the deeper water. For some reason, on this particular day, she decided to swim a lot, much more than usual. Maybe because we hadn't been down in so long or maybe she just felt really good...who knows. This dog really came into her own true Husky and played like I've never seen her play in the water, chasing rocks as we threw them and swimming like crazy. This went on for hours. We had to make her leave. It was one of the greatest moments of my life seeing Izzie come completely out of her shell and just be a dog! Even Lillie sat around and watched as Izzie played.

So after we finally dragged Izzie away and hiked back home, the dogs were bathed and fed and they both lied down to rest. Later, Izzie could barely get up; I could tell she was in pain. Usually, this is an issue we experience with Lillie, but not Izzie so I was frantic. I gave her a baby aspirin, wrapped her in a blanket and stayed near her for some time while she rested more. She recovered enough for a short walk to go potty and then we rested for the night.

The next day, Monday - when the above pictures were taken, I decided I had to see her in her element again and get some great photos of them. We hiked back down to the lake and I proceeded to get photos. Izzie did less running and more swimming so I thought this type exercise would be much better for her. Took pictures and hiked back home. Again after resting, she experienced the same issues and again, I wrapped her and held her until she felt comfortable enough to get up. This brought heavy tears to my eyes as I realized my dogs were aging and they won't be here forever. This struck me hard and has stuck with me over the past few days, causing me to consider if I'll even be able to handle such a loss.

 

 

It was always Lillie that I worried about because she's almost two years older. I've never thought of Izzie as older but in reality, they are both older girls now. It has just taken so long for Izzie to just be a husky, to just be a dog and enjoy her surroundings. It's like she finally has let go of all the things she was afraid of (more on this later) and she's just happy...it's taken her 9 years to get here. I have experienced so much sadness from this incident because it's setting in that they won't be around forever, which is the only way I want it. I'm obsessed and can't seem to focus on anything else. I now question everything I have done in my life that has shaped the life I now share with my dogs, including life choices. Maybe I should have gotten a different degree so I'd have a good career and could afford to stay with them more or even just work from home. There has to be something I can do from home. Can I make enough money working from home? Or if I had my own business, maybe if I had stuck with photography or building websites. SO many options and I am where I am in a job that I don't care for (more on that later as well). I just want to be a stay-at-home dog mom! Why didn't I choose better? This is what I am struggling with now while still trying to do the day-to-day.

There are many more things that had to happen in order for them to come into my life so I can't wish I'd done everything differently. Their lives could have turned out much worse. I'm glad they are with me. They are not in crates or at a shelter or with someone who abuses them or doesn't have time for them. They are well taken care of, but how do I know if that is enough? Isn't there more I could be doing for them? They are the only children I'll ever have and they have changed my life forever. My goal is to give them the same love and care in return for as long as I can, whatever it takes. I have to.

More to come....thanks for reading!